Too Busy to Care

     Some days days I wake up racing to catch up. It takes me a minute and a cup of coffee to actually open my eyes and then let the dog out.  I am off and running. On this particular day I took Woof (our dog) to the vet only to discover that his scratching was because he was full of mites he’d picked up at the dog park in the neighborhood. I started itching as soon as I heard the diagnosis. I wanted to rush back to my house and burn it down. I imagined it was full of mites! And they are ugly little dudes. I know this because the vet showed me a picture I wish I could forget. Fortunately he then told me they don’t like people, just dogs, but I might want to go home and change the bed sheets and vacumn the rugs. I left the vet with my infested pet and did exactly what he suggested, feeling slightly sick everytime I remembered Woof was hosting millions of mites!  I left for work after kicking the mites out. Saw two clients, was printing out my supervision agenda for the next day when my printer ran  out of black ink and stopped dead still.  Why is that? It seems to me that printers these days drink ink like water. I usually have a spare, but not this day! It’s noon and my  next appointment is an hour away, so I jump in  my car and drive to Office whatever and trade  my firstborn for a full set of cartridges…that’s what ink costs these days.  When I return to my office my one o’clock client is waiting for me. At about 3:30,  I come up for air and head out to the Post Office to pick up some stamps whe suddenly it hits me… I haven’t eaten anything all day long and I am absolutely ravenous. I pull into Micky D’s drive-thru and order the fish filet, a small fry and a medium diet coke…the guy on the other end of the speaker does not understand me…after the second time he asked me to repeat I cut the order down to  a diet coke with extra ice. He got that message. I drove thru the drive-thru and picked up my coke and as I was leaving the window I thought… What the heck? I’ll just park the car…stop running like a marathoner…and take 30 minutes to go inside, order my fish filet and sit in a booth and eat like a normal person who is hungry!
 What a surprise! I don’t know the last time I went into McDonalds, but the place was kinda nice. The owners had renovated and I was impressed with the lighting, the flowers on every table, the cleanliness of the place. My gosh! There was one booth that was in a corner that had a chandelier hanging over it. My fish filet and small fry were quite tasty…and I took time to SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AROUND.  There was a table behind me with a couple of teenagers who were talking about their day. They left within 5 minutes of my arrival. To the left of me was an elderly man finishing up his food. I looked to the right and took a deep breath and was grateful for the beautiful day. As I glanced at the table in front of me I was immediately fascinated. At this table sat a beautiful woman reading a book. Not a cell phone.  A book. She was dressed in a coral red blazer, a white blouse and navy blue slacks. Her make-up was perfect. She was sipping her coffee through a straw so as not to mess up that perfect makeup! Gold triangle earrings sparkled and danced  as she ate her burger, carefully wiping the corners of her mouth after every petite bite. As she turned the pages of her book a young woman who is employed with McDonalds stopped to check if she was enjoying her lunch. I didn’t hear the answer she gave, but I saw her smile and I was hooked. I began to eavesdrop.  After a few minutes, the older man who had been sitting to my left moved over and joined the small conversation. Turns out he and the woman who works there are married and the man is 86 and talking about how much he had seen in his lifetime. The woman in the red blazer, with the beautiful silver and white hair, agreed with him. Her voice was strong and lovely with a slight British accent. I picked up my tray to leave and finish all my “To Do” list and I found myself turning around and asking them if I might join their conversation. The older gentleman slid over and welcomed me and the woman in the red blazer turned on her beautiful smile.  They spoke about how much the world had changed in their lifetime. I found out the woman in the red blazer was 98 and alone…that once a week she would get all dressed up and go to a restaurant and read her books and talk with whomever would engage with her.  She said she had grown up in the British West Indies. When she graduated from High School WWII was raging all over Europe and she moved to the United States and went to work in Washington DC for the government. She said Herbert Hoover was President when she moved to Washington and when we dropped the bombs on Heroshima and Nagasaki she wept for days. I guess those bombs saved a lot of soldiers lives, she said, but she cried for days.  I asked if she was married and she laughed and said… not at the present time. Said she married first when she was too young and he was no good and she kicked him out after a while.  Then she married the second time, but he was alcoholic and he wandered around unti he wandered off, and that was the end of that.  Then she met a man  she admired who asked her to marry him and she told him she would not…but she would live with him and love him. She did just that until he died of cancer about 15-20 years later.  I asked if she had children and she said she did have one son. And the gentleman sitting next to me said that was good because she was not alone…then she told us that her son doesn’t visit her often, even though he lives here too, because he is married and his wife is jealous of the time he spends with his mother. The woman who works for Micky D’s asked her what she does with all her time and she replied she reads a lot and goes to the library and she gardens… and once a week, if she is lucky, she runs into people like us who listen to her story… and that is enough. This woman made my heart sing….and break. And did I tell you she is 98?
We hung around and talked about love and politics and the price of things…and of course, President Trump. You might be suprised to know we split right down the middle…just like the Country. About an hour later we all walked out of McDonald’s together and she got in her new car and drove away. In two years she will be 100 years old with a straight back.  A  beautiful woman whose skin did not have a single wrinkle , who is alone and likes the company she keeps. A well mannered, proper and kind woman named Edna with a story to tell. A wonderful story, if we are not too busy to ask.

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katy.steinkamp@yahoo.com

I am a Psychotherapist who has taught Groups and Sexual Issues in the Graduate School at UNLV. I have been in Private Practice for 25 years, and am interested in writing a blog about all the nuance involved in relationships. I don't limit that word relationships; all kinds of relationships with those people and loved others. What are our connections? What gets in the way of healthy relationships? How we support and create our relationships with others, self and the world. I hope you will join me and let me know the places you agree and, importantly, the places you disagree.

3 thoughts on “Too Busy to Care”

  1. What a wonderful story. Those really special people are out there, waiting for us to speak. What’
    s the worst that could happen?

  2. I love this story! It is amazing if you just take a few moments to really listen to someone else talk, we all have a put inside of us

  3. Katy, what a timely post! It’s a great reminder to slow down, “unplug,” and notice the people and world around us. By showing the simple kindness and respect of listening to someone else, you might just receive a gift of much more in return. Wow, Edna sounds like an amazing woman! Thanks for sharing—

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