I have eight masks hanging on the blinker lever in my car. I have four more in my purse that were lovingly created by my wonderful niece -in-law in Poulsbo. I have a “bigfoot” mask and a golden girls mask. Remember that video game back in the 80’s where the little guy went running around the screen eating dots till he blew up…She made me one of those…a munchkin? No! That’s not right and my brain won’t send me the right name…right now. In the middle of the night it will come to me.
I wanted to ask her to send me and American Flag mask, but then I heard on NPR that it was not appropriate to wear an American Flag. It seems you can wear a complete American Flag but not a PIECE of the American Flag. You can wear an American Flag pin on your lapel but not a piece of the flag on your face. It was a moot point after I heard that because I always get my ” live-by” rules from National Public Radio, and if I break the rules I feel ashamed, like I am bad.
No, see, the real problem is I grew up in the South in the 60’s and I suffer mightily from white people guilt. If there is a drop of right or wrong I will automatically take responsibility for the bad stuff. I was born white. Now understand please that I don’t recall having been offered a choice in all of this .. . Nobody gets to choose the color of their skin.
I always thought color was prettier than white. There was a family of albino’s in my home town. I thought they were interesting and I didn’t understand because I thought their skin was kind of pink. Nobody ever mentions pink people, but I promise you they exist. That makes me think of Flamingo’s. Reminds me that nature is just packed with colorful beings… Peacocks, parrots, zebras, wildebeests, green ducks, white whales….Nature has representations for every color in the crayons box and then some. And aside from the ugly gooey duck, which understand is just my opinion and I am kind to gooey ducks I just don’t personally think they are pretty. That is where I draw my line… not from color but from the line between Kindness and Meanness. I was kind to the only albino I knew and eventually he was just a friend of mine..
Meaness is always ugly and it it isn’t perspectival…it’s truth. Love triumps over meanness every single time. If I personally knew a gooey duck I would likely get way past thinking they were ugly. Haven’t you ever had the experience of thinking someone was really cute and then they open their mouth and say something ugly or mean and the cute just slides down into the dirt.
Today I went to the grocery store with a purpose…get some pork chops for dinner. I was in a hurry and I found a Mary Kline parking space…up close to the doors of the store. I put the car in park, locked the door and grabbed a basket and headed to the back of the store, snatched up two pork chops and remembered i needed eggs, so I headed to the other end of the store and grabbed a dozen, and remembered I needed Kleenex and grabbed two big boxes of six because my nose always runs when I’m wearing a mask……….. Suddenly my gut tightened and I realized my nose wasn’t running and my face was totally naked. No Mask! Guilt swept over me like a full blown hot flash. I began to sweat. A man at the end of the aisle put his foot out and stopped my cart. He began to tap the end of my cart then he pointed to the large arrow on the floor painted there by the store to help us all keep social distance and not contaminate each other…… I was going the opposite way from the arrow. I mumbled some lame excuse and when he looked up at me to correct my corrupt behavior he noticed my face was naked. No Mask. At that point I pushed my cart past him as he hurled
ugly words at me. I headed straight for the self-check out. I threw the groceries in the back of my car, jumped in the driver’s seat and locked the doors. My heart was racing and I was soaking wet with shame. I sat for a moment and practiced a little yoga… in through the nose out thru the mouth… breathing. Calmed myself down a bit. I noticed a new pack of masks in the passanger’s seat. I tore open the package and pulled out a few and put one on. I opened my door and calmly walked back towards the grocery store where I had seen the man leaving with his groceries. I presented my brand new masks to him suggesting I thought he might need an extra mask or two in case he ever forgets to wear his. I suggested he have a very nice day and I walked swiftly back to my car and left. He couldn’t see it but I smiled at him.
My anxiety was gone and I began to snuggle back into my body that never intends to hurt or be mean to anyone, understanding that intent matters … and so does perception. Kindness is the walk towards healing. Kindness IS a choice. We can’t rewrite history, but we can get back to love. Come on people, we got some work to do! We need the masks for others.
We have an extremely complicated history when it comes to the relationships between caucasians and people of color. Some horrible things went down between them. Specifically between blacks/African Americans and whites /Caucasians. There are no easy answers for dealing with these issues. One thing is sure, however, we need less righteous arrogance between us . More serious conversation intended to resolve the gulf between us…instead of sarcasm empathic listening and every single suggestion deserves serious consideration. If we can get to where we think of people as people and not colors we can do it. Oh sure, there will still be some nitwits unwilling to even try for resolution. Eventually those with less
love capacity just slide into the dirt and die.
Make it your INTENT to let the arrogant, finger pointing, angry and righteousness just slide right down into the dirt. Listen to others with a heart looking for reasonable answers …not an idiot looking for a fight.